Tara Lynn Marta: “Borrowed Love”

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This is a story written by local writer, Tara Lynn Marta, called, “Borrowed Love.”

Kyle stopped answering my emails. I wasn’t surprised. Friends warned me against expressing my feelings to him. “I wouldn’t go there,” my best friend Maggie said. But I poured out my heart anyway in an email.

Each morning at work, I’d see Kyle out of the corner of my eye as he sat at his desk, and I would will him to approach me. I’d already apologized for my impulsiveness, but it made no difference. The once amiable relationship we shared was branded forever.

Our communication was minimal, revolving around work related issues. Light conversation no longer existed. Kyle shunned me whenever it seemed as though I had something other than business to discuss.

But there once was a time. . .

Whatever brings two kindred spirits together was responsible for the energy transmitted between me and Kyle. From the moment we locked eyes I could feel our souls intertwine. And I determined that he felt it, too, evidenced by the soft tone of his voice whenever he spoke my name.

But that was then.

 “He’s not the only man in the world,” Maggie said, after observing my despondency.

Even after communication ceased, it was difficult not to notice Kyle’s fixed gaze, which he concealed by lowering his head whenever our eyes met. Still, he would not speak a word about what was taking place between us, and I was left to ponder whether the entire situation occurred only in my mind.

Shelia began work two months after I sent Kyle the infamous email, and from the beginning, she was smitten with him. I’d heard rumors that she had walked up to him in the employee’s lounge and propositioned him for a date. He turned her down, yet nothing had changed in their encounters. They talked. They laughed. They exchanged pleasantries. None of which existed amid Kyle and myself.

If Kyle detested me, I needed to know, so I cornered him one afternoon in the parking lot before he got into his red Pontiac.

“I don’t have time for this,” he said. But there was no turning back. I needed answers. Wanted answers. Deserved answers.

“I’ve apologized time and again, Kyle. Why can’t you move beyond it?”

He tossed his coat onto the backseat, then turned to face me. “There’s someone else,” he confessed. And that’s when I learned of Kyle’s long-term relationship with Brook, a women he’d been with since college.

“Why didn’t you just tell me about your girlfriend in the first place?” I asked.

Kyle paused and jiggled coins in his pocket. “It’s complicated. I guess I couldn’t bring myself to tell you.”

I removed a strand of hair that had fallen in front of my eyes. “Even after you knew how I felt?”

Kyle shrugged, then turned his head in the opposite direction as if he couldn’t bear to look at me.

“Do you have feelings for me?” I whispered, hoping Kyle could hear. “Am I insane to think there’s something between us?

I studied Kyle’s expression until he clarified that I had been right.

“Yes, I have feelings for you. That’s why I can’t be near you. It hurts too much. I never meant for this to happen. I love Brook. But I love you, too.” He opened his car door, turned the key in the ignition and sped away.

Kyle had done his best to remain faithful to Brook, but his emotions for me overwhelmed him. So terrified was he that one false move would sabotage the relationship with his live-in love, he ensured that nothing but a quick greeting would ever take place between us.

Within the soul of mankind lies the inexplicable craving to conquer that which does not belong to us. When this occurs the only way to belie such desire is to walk away.

After much deliberation, I left my job and found tranquility in a new venue, far from the temptation of Kyle. I neither saw nor spoke to him ever again. But I would never forget that for a brief moment in time, two hearts – one of which was borrowed – beat as one.

 

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